Furkin’ Cyclists

Ξ August 20th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ College, Motoring, Oxford, Rant |

Pulling into St. Hilda’s; off of The Plain last week …

Here’s map of my route…

The Crucial bit is where I’m leaving the The Plain, passing the Iffley Road, but then heading into Cowley Place.

Now, I was always taught to indicate *only* when you were adjacent to the previous turning – which in my case, was Iffley Road. Whilst I realise that the distance between those two roads is ‘slight’, it’s  A) better to obey the highway code in case of an accident, and  B) if I were to have indicated opposite the Cowley Road, and then crash into something coming out of Iffley Road; well, it’d have been my fault.

So, there I was taking it very easy around the roundabout, and then signalling left as soon as I was able – opposite Iffley Road; and there he was too; a damn cyclist, evidently late for a lecture, or just ‘pumping peddles’ in training for a possible trip in an Oxford Eight.  I saw him, and hit the brakes, and he saw me, and did the same.  Now, four disk brakes at a speed deemed below their mildest interest vs. 2 times 4 wet rubber blocks against a wonky wheel made of tinfoil.  Guess who won? Yes, I pulled up – having done nothing wrong; saving his life perhaps.  Was I annoyed?  No, Was I annoyed when he gave me a ‘you wanker’ look through the rear end! Yes!

So, I wound down the Window and shouted ‘What!?’, ‘What’s your problem?’

He replied, ‘You indicated too late!’

Now, let’s just recap a bit on the turning I wanted.  Probably, coming down from the High Street, 50% of traffic goes on to the Cowley Road, and 49.9% goes onto the Iffley Road — um, very few cars turn into what is actually a dead-end street, but that happens to lead to an Oxford College.  ‘I indicated too late? Rather than you never expect a car to go down this road, and don’t even bother to look 99.9% of the time!  I’m a driver who sticks to limits; whilst you’re a young man who’s late and doesn’t usually encounter someone coming around that roundabout doing a 270.  And, even in that 0.1%, you either beat them, or they beat you — yet you say ‘you didn’t indicate early enough’!’

So I described how I could have not have indicated any earlier, as the Iffley Road turning is quite stupidly close to the one I wanted.  To be fair, given that most people never go this turn, it was a reasonable bet that I wouldn’t!  Still, if it hadn’t have been good brakes – and my expecting an idiot to arrive at any moment, I would have ‘had him’ – but there he was giving me that ‘you wanker’ look.  We exchange another few words about how he’d been lucky, and about he was a safe cyclist, and I just decided that there were too many witnesses to my killing him!

Well, Woopy Do

Ξ June 30th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ College, Give me Strength, Quote, Rant |

The Guardian – the rag of choice for middle-class tree-huggers and women who wear clogs and title themselves ‘Ms’, is running a piece today about a girl who, despite having just three GCSEs [I hate to think what these were in], got to go to university. Oh, and that’s one B and two Cs in case you were wondering.

My first observation would be that with GCSEs being as ‘tough’ as they are these days; this really isn’t a very good result: I mean surely, one can just turn up for the exam and get good marks these days?  What did she do; spell her name wrong; turn up on the wrong day [both] – what!?

Yet, thanks to our government’s plan; to send any numpty to university, she got in [to Salford] after learning about something called The Aimhigher Scheme. A programme obviously designed with people like her in mind then.  “I realised that anyone can go to university – no matter what their background. I’ve proved that anyone can go if they really want to.” Yep, you’re certainly right there – numpties included.

So, what’s she ‘studying’ [I bet you can already guess that it’s not Particle Physics]: a two-year foundation ‘degree’ in ‘Sport and Leisure Management’ that’s what … um, actually she’s ‘studying’ women’s football it seems.  Brilliant, as we all know, there’s a big demand for degree-qualified women’s football specialists out there!  Reminds me of a line from Clarkson’s article in yesterday’s Times: “a degree in environmental poetry from a fair-trade, organic peace-workshop in Hackney.”  Give me strength.

Let’s face facts here – what’ll this ‘degree’ be worth when, and if, she finishes it?  I mean it certainly won’t be worth the paper it’s written on!  So, is it fair to raise someone’s expectations; which someone surely has in this case; that having a degree will somehow raise a person’s income-potential, or otherwise ‘better’ their life?  And what will she feel when she finishes; and finds herself filling shelves at Tesco – albeit two years junior to her old school chums?  Well, I doubt with three GCSEs and a ‘degree’ in women’s football that she will feel anything much – except wishing she wasn’t in debt.

Still, good luck to her – it’s better than most girls with one B and two Cs.  From my observation their normal plan is to go on to get one A, one B and one C

A) get themselves up-the-duff, B) shack up with a plumber’s mate called ‘Dean’ [who gels his hair], and C), to: live off state benefits for the rest of their lives.